apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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