as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
