I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
