I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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