he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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