wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
