They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
