we have officially lost it.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
