I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
