last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize