Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
