I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
