All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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