I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
