Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
