my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
