i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
