You just made me feel so damn special
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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