If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
