Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
