i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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