When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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