is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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