my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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