Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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