My friends, they love my intelligence
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
