I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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