maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
