dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
