I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
