so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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