Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
