My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
