how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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