How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
