There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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