So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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