Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
