where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
