you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize