there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
