Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
