The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if only i could text you this smell
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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