after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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