My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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