RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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