was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
