it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
