Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
