I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
