I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
