dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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