well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
