Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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