used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
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Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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