She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
