How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
