Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
sex in a hospital.. check
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
