we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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