I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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