Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She told me I should be a condom model.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
