He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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