epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
