I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
