You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
