I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
