I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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