I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
