Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
