Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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