Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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