Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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