I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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