I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
