at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
