There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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