No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize