hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
