The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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