i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
