Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
