I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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