kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
