I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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