once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
