White coat. Heels.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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