I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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