If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
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Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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