when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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