So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
