Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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