SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Randomize
